Yikes

Oh dear. I feel sooo out of balance. I feel like I am approaching my breaking point...working and being and mama and wife is wiping me out. I am so stressed and tired that it's affecting my milk supply and I am NOT happy. My poor guy has to be supplemented and I really do not want that. I only get 5ish hours of sleep at night because I have stay up late with chores and preparations for the next day then I have to wake up before everyone ( 4:30) so I can get ready for work and still have time to feed Evan before zooming off to work. I knew this would be hard and I know I am just writing this post to complain. I just didn't know how angry and sad I would feel that I can't direct my full attention to running a household. I NEVER thought this would be me. I always thought I would be very career minded but it has fallen to the least of my priorities and....I'm fine with that.

I wish that I could have a healthy dinner ready for my dear husband when he gets home from work but instead we eat out of boxes. I wish I could clip coupons and shop the sales to save our family money but instead I run through the store throwing what we need into the cart without price comparing because I just want to use the extra time to be with the baby I hardly get to see...I want to bake my family holiday treats and decorate the house and make the house cozy. I I want to exercise so I can have a good energy level to keep up with my baby when he becomes mobile. I want....I want.....

I suppose everybody wishes something was different about their life. I believe that life is what you make it. You choose to allow certain things to be in your life or not, you choose the things you do or don't do. I need to step up and take control of my life and make it what I want it to be. I do not want to look back regret how I spent my time.

Thanks for listening blog.