Contentment-Revised

I am skipping dishes, Tae Bo and laundry to write this post. A few months ago I wrote about my feelings on contentment. After focusing on accepting my life the way it is, I still strive to find ways to be better, to get things closer to the way I want them to be. I'm not happy to stand by and accept things if those things don't make me happy. So, my contentment revision now includes "balance."

Having a nice blend of contentment mixed with inspiration and ambition will create a more balanced approach.

This idea is a result of me not feeling great about my career choice. I sit at my desk day in and day out wondering why I chose the field that I work in. For a while I focused hard on being content with the way things had come to be. It's not working. If I did that, I would be in a career that made me unhappy and unfulfilled for DECADES. No. I can't. Why should I sit there and accept this when I have the power to make changes? I think it's healthy to want things. To strive and move forward, to grow as a person by reaching for things like efficiency, knowledge and happiness. The key is to not get worked up about the limitations presented (after trying to surpass them, of course). For example, to be able to work within the limitations of the state of our economy, our schedules, our budgets or the space in our homes is the key. If you have a certain amount of income and are frustrated that it's not enough and you attempt to find a better job or get more education to increase that income but are not immediately successful then being able to accept the situation and find a way to work with it is where contentment comes into play. There is nothing wrong with striving for better.  It's when it consumes you that the ambition becomes a problem. I am upset that gas prices are outrageous. Instead of fuming about it and wasting my time and energy on something I can't change, I'll be content with it and adjust my usage accordingly.

I've been thinking about this for a while. So maybe I should scrap the focus on contentment and change my focus to balance. When I can, I practice yoga. When I am in a balancing pose (half moon, tree) I feel so good when I'm not wavering all over the room. These poses are a combination of focus on strength, breathing and acceptance of your body's limitations and working with it, not against it. I think I can apply that many situations in life. After all, becoming a mommy forced me to juggle a lot and every day is a balancing act.

Ah, the journey of mommyhood and growth as a human being.

Contentment

I am tired of wanting, wishing, coveting... It is tiring to constantly be wanting, whether it be materials, experiences or changes in life etc. When I want something and get it, I am only satisfied for a bit and then go on to want something else. It's this never ending cycle of wanting and satisfying. When I focus on being content with my life and what I have, I feel....better. Like I can breathe more freely. Like I can really be in the moment rather than thinking about things that I wish were different or how much easier life would be if I had this or that...

I know this change will help me to feel happier, less stressed and become more present. I want to sink into myself, my life and my role in my family and the world. It's funny because even the idea of wanting to become more content, wanting to focus on accepting things as they are is a "want" in itself. I guess you can never really escape that. Maybe in reality we can never truly get away from wanting. I just want to reduce my wanting to stuff that really matters. Like, it doesn't matter if I never get the pair of shoes that I want but it does matter that I want to spend more time with my family. Maybe it's the quality and frequency of the want that matters. I have allowed my constant wanting to consume me and my thoughts to the point where I am upset and tense. Wanting to reduce my family's expenses is a good thing but focusing on it continuously leaves my mind tired and keeps me from giving my family 100% of my attention. The quality of the want is decent but the frequency is overwhelming and distracting.

Being content with myself and my life, even for a few moments a day, brings me this inner peace and stillness that leaves me feeling good and even relaxed. Even during a rough day at the office, when I'm behind on a project, if I stop for a moment to breathe and accept that this is the way the day is going, I can move through the rest of the day a little more smoothly and in a more calm way. It's like a quick "Calgon, take me away" moment, no water needed. I think reducing my wanting frequency will help me feel less stressed and help me be a better mama and wife. Now, this doesn't mean I won't be thinking of ways to be more efficient or things to change to spend more time with the fam, it just means I won't let it turn me into the wanting monster.

So, I am switching gears: I am content with myself and my life.