Saturday, February 5, 2011


I am tired of wanting, wishing, coveting... It is tiring to constantly be wanting, whether it be materials, experiences or changes in life etc. When I want something and get it, I am only satisfied for a bit and then go on to want something else. It's this never ending cycle of wanting and satisfying. When I focus on being content with my life and what I have, I feel....better. Like I can breathe more freely. Like I can really be in the moment rather than thinking about things that I wish were different or how much easier life would be if I had this or that...

I know this change will help me to feel happier, less stressed and become more present. I want to sink into myself, my life and my role in my family and the world. It's funny because even the idea of wanting to become more content, wanting to focus on accepting things as they are is a "want" in itself. I guess you can never really escape that. Maybe in reality we can never truly get away from wanting. I just want to reduce my wanting to stuff that really matters. Like, it doesn't matter if I never get the pair of shoes that I want but it does matter that I want to spend more time with my family. Maybe it's the quality and frequency of the want that matters. I have allowed my constant wanting to consume me and my thoughts to the point where I am upset and tense. Wanting to reduce my family's expenses is a good thing but focusing on it continuously leaves my mind tired and keeps me from giving my family 100% of my attention. The quality of the want is decent but the frequency is overwhelming and distracting.

Being content with myself and my life, even for a few moments a day, brings me this inner peace and stillness that leaves me feeling good and even relaxed. Even during a rough day at the office, when I'm behind on a project, if I stop for a moment to breathe and accept that this is the way the day is going, I can move through the rest of the day a little more smoothly and in a more calm way. It's like a quick "Calgon, take me away" moment, no water needed. I think reducing my wanting frequency will help me feel less stressed and help me be a better mama and wife. Now, this doesn't mean I won't be thinking of ways to be more efficient or things to change to spend more time with the fam, it just means I won't let it turn me into the wanting monster.

So, I am switching gears: I am content with myself and my life.

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