The Park

Evan loves the park. He loves to run through the soccor field and swing.

We try to visit the neighborhood park every night after dinner. If I ask Evan if he wants to go outside he drops whatever he's doing and races to the door. I love this picture of Dad and Evan swinging. I live for this.

Bedtime

My boy is nearly 14 months. Tonight is the 3rd night without the bedtime bottle. I'm pleased to report that it's gone pretty well. He didn't cry for it or whine at all. He does seem to stay awake in his crib a bit longer before dozing off. Right now he's playing with his musical elephant, I can hear it through the baby monitor.

I've had to come to grips with something that took me far too long to accept. My child is not a snuggler. He WAS a snuggler from 0 to say 6 months. Since then he's squirmed and wriggled when I've tried to rock him before bed. In the end I just lay him in bed and he falls asleep within 15 minutes without a fight. I'm glad that he's independent and can soothe himself in many cases BUT....that leaves this mama just a bit sad that he doesn't want to snuggle. I'll survive.

Each night I would try to rock him, even for a couple of minutes, but he wasn't interested. Although some pretty heart-warming moments happened during those attempts. Sometimes he'll cover my face in kisses and I can see his grin in the dark. Sometimes he'll play with my hair or necklace or even nuzzle my cheek with his head. I soak up those moments. Then I have to put him in his crib because he gets too rambunctious.

This is just another way he is showing me his personality and his individuality. My little guy is growing up so fast.

First Haircut

Head over to Mixed Nuts to see Evan's first haircut and some adorable before's and after's!

Baby #2 Ultrasound

So, I got to see our baby today. Of course it was exciting to see the little peanut...but....to add to the excitement....the technician said I was actually further along than they originally thought based on the information I had given them. I woke up today thinking I was 11 weeks. I left the doctor's office actually 13 weeks along! I know that's just 2 weeks but it's 2 weeks!

Hearing the heartbeat and seeing the little peanut floating around in my belly makes it all feel even more real. I feel more connected to the baby in there and I am even more excited about him/her joining our family. I'll start taking belly pics now that I am showing. I already feel like I am speeding through this pregnancy. Probably because my crazy little toddler keeps me busy!

Real Life

Can I be real with you? Thanks. That's what I love about this place.

I need to be me and accept me and my life and my abilities and limitations. For a while (like a year) I've been comparing myself and my life to other people's lives (bloggers and real life people like neighbors and friends, etc). Trying to do what they do, make what they make, live how they live and keep up with life.

I got really into making food (the special ingredient, time consuming type) and had visions of taking lovely pictures and posting them here to make you swoon. I have tons of dark pictures on my camera (I can only cook at night!) to prove it. I exhausted myself trying to keep up with the food blogs. Yes, I was inspired but it was exhausting and taking me away from my priorities.

I got really into taking pictures. I was inspired by all the wonderful photo blogs out there and was determined to learn to create amazing images to share with you. I have tons of untouched photos sitting on my computer to prove it. They will probably never be edited or shared.

I got really into Pinterest. I pinned all sorts of projects that I would eventually get to. Things I would eventually make.

I got really into home remodeling/decorating. Obsessing about paint colors, trying to paint a room after baby went to sleep and making long lists of projects that we would surely get to.

I got really into mommy blogs. Trying to emulate them. If they can do it all, why can't I? Making lists of organizational projects, ways to make my own cleaning products, thinking about homeschool.

I finally had to tell myself: "Get real."

My unrealistic view of my life and my time was causing me to feel inadequate and discouraged and well....jealous of those that could make it all work. My wide range of interests and inspirations were making me feel overwhelmed and only added to my stress load. Not a pleasant feeling. Heck, I can barely (if at all) keep up with regular day-to-day tasks.

I needed to get real. Take a good look at my life and assess my priorities and use of time.

The problem: In a way, I was trying to live like I lived pre-baby. Trying to fit ALL of my hobbies in alongside being a mom and wife and an employee. It's not working.

The solution: Get back to basics. Slowly add in one hobby, over time. Accept my life as it is today. Stop comparing my life to others. Make quick weeknight meals, get to bed at a decent hour and maybe MAYBE add a 20 minute session of reading or yoga. Stop stressing over laundry baskets of unfolded clothes.

The positive: When I am with my son, I am there, in the moment with him. It's us playing and laughing and that's it. I think that's a good foundation. Building off of this is a good start because this is the most important thing to me.

The truth is, I let this problem get me into a deep dark funk. Going to bed each night exhausted and thinking about all things I didn't do. Feeling defeated. Lost because I had no time to have a hobby for my outlet of stress. Upset because I can't do it all. This....on top of the constantly awful feelings I have about missing my child and not being able to keep up with normal life stuff. So, this is a start. This is a wake up call for me to get back to what's most important, to be smart and practical. This is a wake up call for me to change my way of thinking so I can take care of me so I can take care of my family.

This is me on my path to finding balance.