Yikes

Oh dear. I feel sooo out of balance. I feel like I am approaching my breaking point...working and being and mama and wife is wiping me out. I am so stressed and tired that it's affecting my milk supply and I am NOT happy. My poor guy has to be supplemented and I really do not want that. I only get 5ish hours of sleep at night because I have stay up late with chores and preparations for the next day then I have to wake up before everyone ( 4:30) so I can get ready for work and still have time to feed Evan before zooming off to work. I knew this would be hard and I know I am just writing this post to complain. I just didn't know how angry and sad I would feel that I can't direct my full attention to running a household. I NEVER thought this would be me. I always thought I would be very career minded but it has fallen to the least of my priorities and....I'm fine with that.

I wish that I could have a healthy dinner ready for my dear husband when he gets home from work but instead we eat out of boxes. I wish I could clip coupons and shop the sales to save our family money but instead I run through the store throwing what we need into the cart without price comparing because I just want to use the extra time to be with the baby I hardly get to see...I want to bake my family holiday treats and decorate the house and make the house cozy. I I want to exercise so I can have a good energy level to keep up with my baby when he becomes mobile. I want....I want.....

I suppose everybody wishes something was different about their life. I believe that life is what you make it. You choose to allow certain things to be in your life or not, you choose the things you do or don't do. I need to step up and take control of my life and make it what I want it to be. I do not want to look back regret how I spent my time.

Thanks for listening blog.

Evan is 3 Months!

Ok so I am really late with this post....but I don't want to skip it even though he will be 4 months shortly.

Evan,

You are 3 months and I can hardly believe how fast the time has gone by. You were 3 months on your first holiday, Halloween. We dressed you up like a little cow and you were adorable!

We took you around to all the neighbors and they oood and ahhd over you. No candy for you this year though. This month you really liked to play in your jumparoo and splash in the tub. You smile at everyone and it melts my heart every time.

Your great Grandpa and your great Aunt Tammy from STL came to visit you for the first time. We went to the zoo and mama wasn't thinking and didn't bring a camera.... you really enjoyed hanging out in the moby wrap and watching all the animals and trees. We also went to a nature reserve where you did a bit of hiking. You really like to be outside and moving.

You have been drooling A LOT lately and I saw you discover your hands which are now your favorite toy. You love to chew on your hands and I have to keep a bib on you so you don't soak your clothes in drool. When you found out you had hands you brought them together in front of you and just stared at them for a while then began to eat them. You are growing out of your clothes faster than I can buy them! You officially wear 6-9 month clothes! Your hair is getting lighter and your eyes are changing from blue to brown. Check out your 3 month pics, you are wearing your fancy new clothes from great Aunt Tammy.

I have had so much with you. You are awake more during the day so we can play and go on outings where you get to see more and experience more. Sleeping through the night has really been nice for everyone and sometimes when Dad goes in to get you in the morning, you are just smiling and cooing away. Month 3 has been so exciting with all your growth and development. Your smiles and laughs are the best things in life. I love when we play before your bath each night. We read books, lay on your tummies, look at our reflections in the mirror and sing songs and dance. It's certainly my MOST favorite part of each day.

Love,

Mama

Catch Up

My goodness it's been too long since I have posted. I am really late on Evan's 3 month post (he's coming up on 4 months already!). This is just a quick catch up on the going-on in the last few weeks.

I went back to work on November 1st and I HATE it. Not the work or the people but the being away from my baby aspect. I am still having a difficult time with it. Each morning I kiss his little face and walk out with tears in my eyes. All day I think about him and scroll the pics on my phone. It makes it really hard to concentrate at work and I find myself not caring.....I just wanna be with my son. I never could have imagined how hard this would be. I only see my baby for a couple hours at night and 40 minutes in the morning. I LOVE my weekends and try not do anything but hang out with Evan. Along with going back to work comes exhaustion and absolutely no time for any sort of workout or dog walking or blog posting. I actually took a vacation day today because I couldn't take it anymore.

Evan had a hard time adjusting to the new routine and gave the sitter a hard time the first week. The first 2 days he was upset with me and wouldn't look at me or smile.....he is doing better now though. Tomorrow he will be 16 weeks! I'l' detail his growth and development in his 3 month post. Here are a few pics until then.

Moments

As my maternity leave comes to an end (only 2 weeks left...) I find myself getting teary eyed (and even full blown sobbing) at the thought of leaving my sweet baby boy for 8 or more hours a day. I never realized how hard this would be. We have spent everyday together learning about each other and me finding ways to entertain him. He's been my sidekick and I have enjoyed every minute of it. I knew this magical time would end but it just came so fast....

Everyday we do tummy time, play, sing, dance, read, nap and explore. Naps with my little dude are so relaxing. I sometimes just stare at him while he sleeps. He puts his little arm around me and snuggles in close. I'll miss our naps. I'll miss our play time. I'll miss our moments together that bring me such joy. I'll miss him.

I try and do an outing each day and we've been everywhere. I took Evan to Petsmart and showed him the birds and fish and he just stared and stared. I took him by the Hallmark window to show him the Halloween decorations. He really enjoys lights. I'll miss the moments where he is so intrigued by something that he just stares and makes little "o's" with his mouth.

I know we will spend time together on the weekends but I have just been so spoiled with getting to be with him all day every day. I went shopping for work clothes last weekend and John hung out with Evan. I felt so sad. I have separation anxiety I guess.....See I know Evan will be fine and well taken care of. I know he will have fun meeting new people and watching the other babies but....it's me who will have the problems. I don't want to miss anything and I feel like I'll be missing a huge chunk of Evan's baby stages and milestones.

This week we are doing a test run, pretending like I am going to work. So, waking up like I would (5am) and getting dressed and preparing Evan for the day. WOW, this is hard. I am also trying not to take any naps since I won't be taking naps at work. Needless to say, I am exhausted. This is going to be tough.

I will cherish the moments that Evan and I have shared during these few months. He is growing so fast. We have learned so much about each other and he has taught me things about myself as well. I am lucky to be his mama.

Evan is 2 Months!

Wow, my baby boy is 2 months. He has already changed so much since we first brought him home. This month was definitely better than the first month. I am excited that my boy is growing and learning about the world but the older he gets the closer I get to returning to work which I am NOT excited about. My eyes fill with tears every time I think about that dreadful day when my baby boy and I will part. I'll try not to think about it so that I can soak up every moment with Evan.

Dear Evan,

What an exciting month we had! We have fallen into a routine and you have been kind enough to grant us the gift of sleep. Each night we take a bath, Dad gives you a bottle (you are eating a whopping 5 ounces of formula at bedtime) and we rock you to sleep. If I get to rock you to sleep, I sing softly to you and try to soak up all of your yummy baby smells. We supplement with formula at night because it has proven to help you sleep for longer stretches. We only do one bottle at bedtime, the rest of the time we nurse which we are now pros at.

You have been getting better at tummy time! You hang out for a few minutes on your tummy, lifting your head, turning your head from side to side and kicking your legs while I cheer you on. I can tell you really wanna get crawling. You also recognize me and look for me when someone else is holding you. You bat at the toys that hang over your bouncy chair and show your excitement by kicking your legs and waving your arms. You've also started having conversations with us by cooing and the sound is so sweet. You began studying faces more intently. When your uncle Mike is near, you stare at his face for a long time.

The best part about month 2 is your smile! You smile every day now and it melts my heart and brings tears of joy. I snapped a picture of you smiling , complete with a little drool, during our 2 month photo shoot and it is the BEST:

Aww

You still have your days when your grumpy and you wake up grumpy but we are having more fun. We have been going on at least one outing per day. You don't like your car seat very much because you don't like to be restrained but once you calm down you seem to enjoy the ride. Also, you don't prefer mama to shop, you just want to see new things and keep moving.

Take a look at our 2 month old photo shoot:

In his new diaper cover.

Oh my heart is melting! Evan is smiling at Dad.

So serious.

Distracted by Mollie.

First pair of shoes! I had to get him converse.

Well, that wraps up month 2. We are surviving, feeling rested and having some fun. You are an awesome side kick, dude. I am so excited for month 3!

I love you with all my heart,

Mama