Monday, April 16, 2012

i am...

sitting on the couch watching Grey's Anatomy after a relaxing shower. It's quiet. The kiddos are sleeping...this is rare. Last night Collin cried for 3 hours before falling asleep for the night. The dishes are done, my clothes are set out for tomorrow. This is rare.

Monday's are my most productive days. I wake up feeling refreshed, motivated, eager to get a jump on the tasks on my to-do list. Today I did just that. I pinned a cleaning schedule, followed it, pinned an article about habits to form for stressed moms, followed it. I worked out. I ate a salad for lunch.

I'm feeling good.

This could all be gone tomorrow, excuse me while I enjoy this.

Sunday, April 8, 2012

The Juggling Act

I have a 20 month old and a 1 month old. This is crazy. Crazy to me and crazy in general. It's quite possibly the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm not known for my patience and I like things to go smoothly and perfectly. My world has been turned upside down. Not by my newborn. Not entirely by my toddler. But by the combination of the two.

I'm changing Collin's diaper while trying to keep Evan out of trouble. I'm making dinner while Evan is pulling on my clothes and Collin is fussing in his bouncy chair. I'm at the grocery store with my list in hand, trying to keep the toddler occupied long enough to complete the list and crossing my fingers that the baby stays asleep and doesn't wake up starving. I'm trying to get myself ready for the day while the baby starts crying to be fed and Evan is whining for breakfast. I'm trying to get us out the door to take Evan to school and Evan needs a diaper change then the baby needs one too and while I'm changing the baby, Evan goes again....some days I can't believe this is my life. Most days I can deal with this. But then there are those tough days when I open my eyes in the morning and feel exhausted just thinking about all the juggling I'll be doing that day.

Yes, this was my decision to have kids close together. I want them to be close, to have things in common, to be friends. I knew it was going to be tough. Daily I have to remind myself that this is just a stage....a season in life that will pass. It won't always be this hard. There will be a time when Evan can follow directions. There will be a time when I won't have 2 in diapers. I have to remind myself of this to keep my sanity and keep going.

I go to bed feeling really tired and feeling awful about how my house looks like I did nothing or how I didn't get to work out...again. I have to tell myself that it doesn't matter right now. It's not the time to worry about that stuff. All that matters is surviving these years with babies and toddlers in the best way we can and to create memories to hold on to. I have to remember that I'll think back to when my babies were babies and I want to remember me being with them, playing, paying attention, reading, singing, dancing...not cleaning and fussing over a basket of laundry while they play alone.

So, I have to juggle. I have to precisely plan our routine to make it work. For today, it works. I have to practice this juggling act everyday. Some days, I'm not so good at it and others....well, it's bumpy but I keep at it.

I'll have to re-read this when I have to toss a 40 hour work week into the juggling mix. Wish me luck.

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